Monday, December 13, 2010


dear blog,

this is my last week of my undergraduate career. and to be perfectly honest, its a little anticlimactic. i feel like my whole life has been leading up to this point,but it feels just like any other finals week in any other year. yeah, after this i will be done with school (possibly) forever, but after this i will have nothing. i'll be jobless, school-less, living with my parents.

everyone i talk to asks me "what are your awesome grown-up plans!?" "how are you feeling?"  "are you excited?!"

world, I DON'T KNOW.

first off, i kind of have plans, but not really.
second, i'm feeling sad. happy. excited. anxious. nervous. nostalgic. grateful. overwhelmed. annoyed. blessed. accomplished. preoccupied. intelligent. inadequate. normal. but today, mostly sad.

i'm not JUST excited. why should i be? i have been in school for my entire life as far back as i can remember. i happen to love learning and school and classes and tests (go ahead, judge me). i love the people i've met and gotten to know and grown to love because i have been at school. i love buying school supplies. i love sitting in a classroom with people you've never ever met and learning together. i love getting an assignment back and seeing your work with a big fat gratifying A on the top. i love walking around campus with a big fat backpack and waving and smiling at passers by. i love the stressed out nerdies that frequent the hbll. i love the awesome and unlimited opportunities that students have. i love getting discounts with my BYU id. i love making friends in the cougareat and random interactions with strangers.

being a student has been a major part of my identity, and now i feel like that is being taken away from me, but not being replaced with anything else (yet).

by graduating, i am leaving this all behind. and yeah, i will still have the friendships that i've gained, the knowledge and skills i've aquired, i'll still be able to make new friends and learn and whatever, but it simply will never ever be the same. even if i end up going back to school eventually, it won't even be the same.

anyway, that's how i'm feeling. but mostly when people ask if i'm excited i just say yes.


p.s. this is me, back in the day. HA... i guess not much has changed.