Friday, April 20, 2012

congenital anomaly

dear blog,

yesterday i was just hanging out with nicole, we may or may not have signed up for pottermore, but basically we were just hanging out. then when i was getting dressed my back was kind of hurting. like it was hard to bend down, but it was still fine. then maddie and i went to the store and bought some more kosher salt so we could make soft pretzels everyday but when we got home my back was hurting so badly that i couldn't even really walk or move. so my mom gave me some ibuprofen and i just was laying down in my parent's room for a couple of hours and as long as i didn't move it was totally fine. but come 9 o'clock i wanted to get into my own bed and sleep/my dad wanted to watch the mentalist and i have no interest in that show. so i tried to get up but my back was hurting so bad that i was sobbing/screaming in agony. seriously, i have never experienced pain like that before. so my dad gave me a blessing and then my parents forced me to go to the emergency room.
i got an x-ray and then the doctor came and looked at me (more like touched me all over my back and then made me move around until i hurt a lot.) he said the x-ray didn't show anything that would cause me to hurt like this, but there was one possibly weird thing, a rare "congenital anomaly," but he wasn't sure so he called the radiologist and sure enough i do have a congenital anomaly in the sacrum part of my spine which i guess is the part at the bottom that curves. all the bones are supposed to be fused together in a line, but the top bone on mine is not fused in line with the others. this isn't what is causing my pain though, just a freakish coincidence. basically i just have a pinched nerve and i just need to take it easy, keep it loose, ice it and medicate for the pain until it gets better (which better be like, tomorrow because disneyland is waiting for me).

p.s. earlier today i was in so much pain that i passed out! or blacked out? i'm not sure which... because neither has happened to me before!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

age ambiguous

dear blog,

i'm pretty sure that i've complained on here before about being mistaken for the wrong age. let me relay two such experiences and maybe you will understand my confusion regarding this matter:

experience 1: at the beginning of maddie's basketball season my mother and i went to a game and when we were buying tickets the lady asked me if i was a student... as in if i was a currently enrolled student at timpanogos high school... as in she thought i was 16. my mom thought it was hilarious and she told the lady no, i was not a student there. and then i defended my maturity by explaining that i am indeed no longer an enrolled student anywhere as i am a graduate from an accredited university. 

experience 2: the other day i went to the temple with my mom and one of the adorable temple workers thought that we were sisters. but seriously, my mom is 32 years older than me...

but this happens all the time. people will think any one of my sisters is older than me. but people will also think that i am the mother of one of my siblings the youngest of which is only 7 years younger than me.


i was telling my friends about that second experience the other day and blake mentioned that he thinks that i am age ambiguous. that i could really pass for any age between 16 and 35. and you know what, folks? i think he's absolutely right. and really, i think people see what they want to see.

so, here's to you, age ambiguity.
let's hope i still can pass for 20 when i'm 35.


Monday, April 16, 2012


dear blog,

today i made soft pretzels.
and they were amazing.

here's the recipe.

homemade soft pretzels
(recipe from alton brown, but i used a bread machine instead of all the mixing and kneading, etc. so if you don't have a bread machine, just follow the link)

1 1/2 cups warm water
2 tablespoons butter, melted
4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons kosher salt (and some for the tops if you want)
1 package active dry yeast
vegetable oil (for rolling them out and for the pan)
10 cups of water
2/3 cup baking soda
1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water

pour warm water and melted butter into bread machine. add flour, sugar, salt and yeast. set bread machine to dough setting and let her rip (ours takes an hour and a half).

when it's almost done preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. line 2 pans with parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. set aside.

bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in a large pan.
in the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. roll out each piece of dough into a 24 inch rope. make a u shape with the rope, holding the ends of the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the u to form the shape of a pretzel. 
place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. be careful because they are still flimsy. 
place on the parchment lined sheets, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk and water mixture and sprinkle with salt. 
bake until dark golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes. transfer to a cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving.
they were so good that i devoured 1 and a half before i remembered to take a picture of how beautiful they were... woops.
i'll definitely be making these again... tomorrow.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

somebody that i used to know

dear blog,

i've been listening to this song NONSTOP. i like it... a lot. also, i really like all 3 of these versions.

i don't even like glee... but i sure like this.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

knead kneed need

dear blog,

i feel like the word need has a negative connotation.

everyone has needs, but its as if sometimes we talk about them as if it's annoying that they have to be fulfilled. and if someone is "needy" then it is viewed as weak or annoying. but the truth is we're all needy in our own way, aren't we? i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i was talking with jessica callahan the other night about friends and she asked me who i call when i need someone and really the answer is no one.  i really don't like to ask for help from anyone. i really don't like the idea of not being able to fulfill my own life, to take care of what i need on my own. and for the most part i think i am independent in that sense. but there is definitely one way in which i depend on others and in which i am super needy.

i need to be needed.

that's such a ridiculous sounding sentence, but i think it is definitely true. i thrive on others needing my help. the relationships that i am the most comfortable in are the ones in which another needs me. but seriously, i struggle in social situations where i don't feel needed. i wish i was more go-with-the-flow, and maybe i am in some ways, but i love nothing more than helping a friend solve a problem, listening and being asked for advice, giving someone a ride, cheering someone up when they need it, helping someone else feel comfortable in an overwhelming social situation, watching babies that can't yet watch themselves, helping someone be better, involving someone that needs to be involved. i NEED that attention, that dependence. this sounds so self-centered. it probably is, but the point i am trying to make is that i am as needy as anyone else, just in a different way. i need my friends and my family, and by gosh i sure am grateful for them.


p.s. i can't decide if this is healthy or not.
p.p.s. i have no problem asking my heavenly father for help, just anyone else.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

RIP top knot

dear blog,

lately i have been having regular headaches. as in every day. it's the WORST. i'm not a big headache person. i used to get sinus headaches when i had chronic sinusitis in high school, but other than that i almost never get a headache. so you can imagine my annoyance at this almost constant ache in my head. well, i hate going to the doctor so i decided to diagnose myself and obviously since i haven't had new glasses in 2 years, this was a case of time-to-get-a-new-prescription-itis. so i made myself an appointment at america's best eyecare (this does not count as the doctor) and i went yesterday. and to my total shock and dismay my prescription is THE SAME. my eyes haven't changed at all!! WHAT THE? how can my personal/professional diagnoses be so far off?? (in other news i told the doctor how i don't read or do anything up close with my glasses on and he told me that i could 1. get bifocals or 2. just start doing everything with my glasses on and my eyes will adjust just like everyone else in the world who is nearsighted and wears glasses. am i dumb for thinking it would make my eyes worse to wear my glasses when i don't need them?) so basically that was not the reason for these headaches.

as i entered back into diagnoses mode it hit me...


like sometimes my hair will be up and i'll have a headache and taking it down makes it mostly go away. and my mom sometimes talks about how when she was my age she had so much hair and she would get migraines until she cut it off.

needless to say i am devastated. i reallly like my hair and how low maintenance it is and how easy it is to make it look like i want it to. and i really like the length. but it is just so heavy. i honestly don't think i can cut it though. so for now what this dr. has ordered is no more top knots. no more high pony tails. and more showering (yikes).
rest in peace, top knot.

p.s. this is me with "short hair." basically i look ridiculous. I DONT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!!!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


dear blog,

things that i'm obsessed with lately:
my phone
let's be real, when am i NOT obsessed with them.
vanilla yogurt, SO GOOD.
family history
these are my great grandparents, lena marie and daniel nickle
top knots

p.s. my sisters and i all got a pass of all passes for only $10 each! WHAT? i'm so excited for the summer!!!