Friday, January 2, 2015


Dear blog,

I'm a little disappointed in myself because I prefer to make lots of birthday goals in October and try them out before all of the pressure of a brand new year comes around but I never got around to it this year so all the goal making is happening now. I failed pretty miserably at my 2014 goals which were to read 35 books (didn't), attend the temple twice a month (did), only eat out once a week (reallly didn't), don't say "hate" (probably didn't but I think I say it less?), be nicer (wasn't), write Nickie twice a month (DIDN'T). Honestly, 2014 was full of plenty of hard times. Maddie got married which was wonderful but hard, work has been harder, Camren dying was/is so hard, kidney stones & the aftermath were HARD, Jessica moved away, Brian moved away, Jeff moved away, and I've just really struggled a lot with my singles wards and fitting in. Plus I turned 25 which as Carl reminded me is "almost 30" and I feel like I'm not progressing and I'm really not where I need to be. I feel lost. I feel alone in a lot of ways. BUT whilst 2014 had a lot of rough, it also had a lot of good: trips to Wyoming, Washington, St. George, Rexburg, Yellowstone, Jackson Hole, camping in Spanish Fork and Cottonwood, boating in Delta, hiking the Narrows, swimming in the Homestead crater, moving in with Lozza, lots of validation at work, LOTS of sleepovers, Maddie's wedding, Amy's wedding, cutting off my hair, Nickie coming home, silly group texts and lots and lots of giggling among other wonderful things that I'm probably not remembering.

I'm learning that life is complicated. I'm learning that it's possible to feel happiness and sadness, confusion and clarity, love and disdain all at the same time. I'm learning that people aren't just good or bad. I'm learning that I'm not just good or bad. But I want to be good. Hence the goal making...

My goals for 2015:
1. health consciousness
2. kindness
3. daily scriptures
4. temple 2x a month
5. read 1 book a month
6. regular media fasting/be off the grid DAILY
7. do good continually