Saturday, October 3, 2009

sitting waiting wishing

Dear blog,

One time i went prom dress shopping with Kristie and Laura in high school and as we were waiting for the old worker lady to ring up the over-priced dress that Kristie was buying, i was talking about how
"i wish it was after graduation! actually... i wish i was already in california on my trip! actually... i wish i was already at BYU! blah blah blah"
and then the older lady turned to me and said

"don't do that young lady. don't go around wishing your life away because before you know it, you will have wished your whole life away and you will have nothing left."

at first i was just thinking "who does this lady think she is?"

but now, i am so grateful for the lesson that that sweet lady taught me that day.

i realized today that i am more than half way done with my time at school here. WHAT? that is SO crazy! it feels like only yesterday when i was wishing for what i have now, but now that i am here, i feel so scared.

i am 19 years old for heavens sake! how am i supposed to go out into the world and make my way for myself?
i am still so silly and stupid and naive.

but---- then again---- is anyone ever ready? is anyone ever REALLY mature?

i really don't think so.

i think that old lady in the dress shop probably still feels the same way. scared and immature and wishing in retrospect that she would have cherished her moments more instead of wishing for tomorrow.

i think that we are never really ready. we are never really mature.

sometimes, i think that grown-ups are just pretending to be all mature and whatever, and that everyone is a little bit silly and a little bit stupid and a little bit naive.

so... who care's if i'm nineteen? i sure don't. i wish... it was today. i'm ready for today, to cherish today, to learn from today, to use today to prepare for tomorrow...

bring it on world.



  1. I'm forever 19 inside. Truly. Jeff and I say all the time that we're pretty sure that we aren't mature enough to be parents. I think who you are is who you are, you just grow wiser or more experienced.(I know, I'm sooo profound). I mean, you had to teach me that it was boatload, not buttload. Do you remember that? I was 33 years old and still naiive. Age is really just a number in terms of personality. Silly at 15, probably still silly at 35, just better at keeping it on the inside around people you don't know that well:)
    Love you!

  2. Man, I just noticed this, and it's been up for two weeks. But I really liked it. A lot. And I think that only you would be chided by an old lady in a store.