knead kneed need

dear blog,

i feel like the word need has a negative connotation.

everyone has needs, but its as if sometimes we talk about them as if it's annoying that they have to be fulfilled. and if someone is "needy" then it is viewed as weak or annoying. but the truth is we're all needy in our own way, aren't we? i've been thinking about this a lot lately. i was talking with jessica callahan the other night about friends and she asked me who i call when i need someone and really the answer is no one.  i really don't like to ask for help from anyone. i really don't like the idea of not being able to fulfill my own life, to take care of what i need on my own. and for the most part i think i am independent in that sense. but there is definitely one way in which i depend on others and in which i am super needy.

i need to be needed.

that's such a ridiculous sounding sentence, but i think it is definitely true. i thrive on others needing my help. the relationships that i am the most comfortable in are the ones in which another needs me. but seriously, i struggle in social situations where i don't feel needed. i wish i was more go-with-the-flow, and maybe i am in some ways, but i love nothing more than helping a friend solve a problem, listening and being asked for advice, giving someone a ride, cheering someone up when they need it, helping someone else feel comfortable in an overwhelming social situation, watching babies that can't yet watch themselves, helping someone be better, involving someone that needs to be involved. i NEED that attention, that dependence. this sounds so self-centered. it probably is, but the point i am trying to make is that i am as needy as anyone else, just in a different way. i need my friends and my family, and by gosh i sure am grateful for them.

love,
rochelle

p.s. i can't decide if this is healthy or not.
p.p.s. i have no problem asking my heavenly father for help, just anyone else.