Tuesday, February 15, 2011

love & loss

dear blog,

today, on a day designated for cheerful loving lovers, i have been thinking a lot about loss.

my great aunt jo died on sunday morning. last night i spent the night at their condo so that aunt willi wouldn't be alone. i was there sunday evening and for a good part of today and it was almost eerie how lonely it was after everyone left and it was just willi and me there alone. i was quiet, unsure of how to comfort my lovely aunt who has just lost her best friend, companion and sister. it was weird to be in a space where hours earlier aunt jo lived and breathed and loved and called it home, and now she's gone.

i thought about friendships i've lost. specifically worthwhile ones that i failed to maintain and have dwindled into nothingness. i thought about all of the beautiful people that i might still be able to consider 'friend' if i wasn't so self-absorbed, stubborn, or shy.

i thought about the first boy i loved. (unrequitedly loved, that is.) and the hours i lost thinking about him, talking about him, and trying to get his attention.

i thought of memories i've lost because i've failed to write them down.

i thought of time that i've lost, wasted really being idle, or just doing stupid things.

and while thinking about all of this loss, i can't help but think of it in a positive light, or at least an appreciative one. (thanks for the upbeat spirit, cheerful lovers!) it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. i really do believe that. experiencing loss makes us that much more grateful for what we don't lose. and the experience itself helps us grow and mature and become better.


p.s. today was not even depressing. i was just very pensive.
p.p.s. i got a lovely rose and it smells heavenly. thanks lj!
p.p.p.s. i'm OBSESSED with the hunger games series. read it. i know you'll love it.
p.p.p.p.s. bonus points if you picked up on the "you've got mail" quote from the previous post script.
p.p.p.p.p.s. i went and picked out a frame and a mat for my diploma today! first i left my diploma at home. then i left it in the car. then i left it on the shelf in the bathroom stall in the wilk. how embarrassing!
p.p.p.p.p.p.s okay, i know this is getting ridiculous, buuuuut i miss my brother. (the post scripts are getting ridiculous, not the missing my brother). anyways.... happy valentine's day!

also, this song has been stuck in my head:

aaaaand this:

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